I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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