I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
