I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
