dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
