i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
