i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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