I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
