just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
