I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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