Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
