He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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