Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
