After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Couch. On fire.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
