All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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