his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
