Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
