a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did I show you my penis last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
