I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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