Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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