the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize