This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
