Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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