I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
