i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
