Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
