so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
