I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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