i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
