Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
