worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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