She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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