If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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