her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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