so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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