wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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