Need sex. Gaining weight.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
