I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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