Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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