The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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