dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
