where am i from again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
