i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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