awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
