im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
