If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize