Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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