if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
