so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
