Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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