I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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