Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
