you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
