Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
