Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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