i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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