At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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