I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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