I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
