I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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