Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Shame - the story of my life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
