You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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