You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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