Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
