Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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