I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
