so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
