i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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