if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
