yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COCAINE IS GR8
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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