quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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