Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My dick has a subreddit
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
