Umm I'm too high to move.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
