found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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