i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize